September 20th is almost here & I'm having emotional break downs.

Boot Camp!

Seriously is the scariest 2 word combination that keeps floating around  my house hold.

only 

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More days with my little girl & my sweet man! I find my self crying all over random places...

I cry when I change Ellie's diaper

(partially from the stench & partially because I'll miss a big milestone for her - Potty training)

I cried when I made her book " My first year with Mommy & Daddy"

It breaks my heart when I put her to sleep at night because I wish I could play with her all night!

I got super emotional when she wore her new army skirt and sweater & bow (thanks Alicia & Ryan x0 she is a Ham in that outfit)

I cry when I think about my husband being all alone for 6 months! 

I cry when I think about how he can manage without me for 6 months! - Alex can totally manage with out me, he can cook, clean, & fold laundry ... and I guess in an extremely selfish way I wish he couldn't ... I like to think he needs me to do all these things for him.

The more and more I think about leaving the more and more upset I get.

Not to mention as the days go by it just means it's a day closer to the day I ship out. 

I always day dream about what that day is going to be like.. waking up at 3 AM getting dressed to say goodbye... 5:00 AM the doors to Meps will shut behind me and that's the last time I'll see both of their faces for a long time.

Instead I'll be hanging out with theses guys

Getting yelled at & mentally & physically beat down.

In the end every thing will be worth it..

Women don't get it easy at boot camp either we are required to do everything a male can do....

I can't wait to come home & say "I DID IT!"

In the mean time I wish & pray time will stand still. I am not ready to leave my heart behind.