Directional pamplet on how to care for a May baby in the absence of her mother.

This is an informational piece for anyone who plans on coming within 10 feet of my child at any time. Please note I am dead serious. I hope when I am away at basic, anyone who will be spending time with my child will respect my wishes.

ELLIE CANNOT HAVE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WHAT SO EVER!

1.      Bovine milk containing rBST (Somatotropin; growth hormone) –  I actually rather her not to consume bovine milk at any period what so ever. She will consume unflavored, unsweetened, soy milk.

2.      Tylenol (Acetaminophen) – It is harsh on the liver. Motrin will be given instead. Unless her pediatrician specifies otherwise.

3.      CANDY!

4.      ICE CREAM! -  She may be given yogurt or frozen yogurt instead.

5.      SODA!

6.      LEMONADE!

7.      COOLAID!

8.      Instant meals!

9.      NO JUICE FROM CONCENTRATE EVER! – Must be FRESH PRESSED ORGANIC JUICE FROM TRADER JOES and diluted with ½ water  Apple or carrot juice ONLY ( carrot juice also found at trader joe’s – refrigerated section)

10.  NO CHIPS! EVER! -  I’m sorry it is disgusting when children eat potato chips instead of real food. Not even as a snack!

11.  FAST FOOD! -  I will personally disown you & or strangle you whichever comes first. DO NOT POLUTE ELLIE’S BODY WITH THAT JUNK!

12.   No cookies! -  Exception : Vanilla wafers

13.   NO RED MEAT! ESPECIALLY GROUND BEEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – She can only consume turkey and chicken. You may risk your child’s life with Ecoli or Mad cow, but NOT MINE . I would prefer her to be a vegetarian, but that decision I will leave up to her, but please under no circumstance push meat on her.

Things Ellie may NOT DO AT ANY TIME!!!!!

1.      Swim in a Lake!! –   No excuses. I don’t even want her looking at a lake, on a boat, or within 10 miles from a lake, She is an infant... need I say more?

2.      Watch more than 1 Hour of television a day - She may watch pre-approved movies by Alex or myself ONLY.

Things that I WISH SHOULDN’T AT ANY TIME BE TAUGHT TO MY CHILD!!!!

1.      Alternative names for her privates- She has a vagina, call it a vagina.